Week 19

5.6.13-5.12.13

I prepared for Audrey, Spencer and Caleb all they needed for the morning then dropped them at their schools. I then returned home and with the same butterflies in my gut, sat again before Jesus.

I don’t want to bore you with small details He shared with me, but for the sake of shining light for another to further pursue believing Jesus and His real guiding ways in all, for all, here it is. (Remember these were my questions to Him and therefore His answers to me.)

*For ease of reading I’ve italicized His words to me.

Rising early still, 4:45? Amen
Practicing prayer with You through audible words and journaling? Yes, this way you can see My faithfulness and remember.
Shall I have a goal of scripture memorization, of 24 by the end of 2013? This is good, as you remain in Me and I in you, to our Father be all glory.
What about my individual books and studies (Moore, Claiborne, Chan, Lotz, Manning…)? These are all written because of time spent in my Word. Continue along with My gifted Word to you, trusting I will lead you.
Exercise in the morning? Release any guilt. Remember it is for you — not for show. It is good and will help you in maintaining My Spirits temple.
The scheduled time I allot for planning our schedule? Family, keep them a priority. Work, it is a responsibility. Afternoon time, continue seeking Me.
Food and the frustrations with? It’s okay, no rules here, remember this ten day experience as part of learning. Additional avoidance? This was a set time and it was good because you were led there.
Attending LCBC? There is a place for it. Is it our place, for our family? No. Why? You are meant to be in a sisterhood and brotherhood with my disciples. What does that mean? I will show you. Dare I ask how my life is prostrate? Read on Karah.

I am shaking. I’m afraid I’m ‘off’ here! There is so much riding on LCBC with my family, my upbringing and past fears. You answer prayers and I will follow. Remove from me my will and my agenda Jesus.

Tithing to LCBC? Not now. Muthami? Yes. Lucson? Yes.
Community Sundays? Go deeper with these families. Can you help me understand that better? These families are the gift you’ve been asking for. I don’t want to misunderstand you. You aren’t.
Monday night Bible study? You are leading, set an example. What do you mean? I’m calling them out. To what? Community. With who? You and My basics, My simple basics of loving Me and loving others.
Tuesday morning Bible study? This is a gift of seeing My Faithfulness, it’s sweet, enjoy.
Audrey with school? Family role? Sports?
Spencer with school? Family role? Sports?
Caleb with school? Family role? Sports?

I sense You asking “What is it Karah that you want with regards to Audrey, Spencer and Caleb and their life, school and extracurricular activities?” I would love to be, as their mom, one who first shows Your love. Your love is life, it’s so powerful and I pray they learn and grow in Your love from now until You bring us home. They are amazingly talented and I believe Spirit indwelling children for they have hearts after You. In thinking of homeschooling I am inferior to being their teacher. It’s daunting. We had Audrey’s homeschool experience which was necessary because You showed me Audrey needed me more than she needed kindergarten at school. The freedom to serve Your kingdom is greater, time wise, if we are not connected to a public school schedule, but are these just my thoughts? The work involved seems inconceivable. Karah, their talents will shine. Really, shine? I feel like there would be too much that I — their mom — would squash. (There is a lump in my throat and deep breaths.) You are not meant to do it. You are given time and time is a gift. There is much that will come of your time if, and as, it is invested in this, My way. What about the kids? Their habits, their friends? What about them? They will shine. I have no training (and with that thought I quickly received a searing from His Spirit to hear the Truth, which is I have Him). I have You Jesus and Your Spirit within me is The Almighty Counselor. His coming was for our good. Indeed, Karah, He is with you. Jesus, can you write on my heart what this change will look like? Is this part of our living out Your constant reminders to me of “being in the world but not of it.” Is homeschooling what you have for our family, for now? For forever? Jesus I do not want to do this if it’s not 150% what You’ve written as our family’s path. I have written on your heart a passion for your family, both those you have with you and for the family of Mine, your Kingdom brothers and sisters. Together you are serving those who are alone and left out. You can do this with Me. You desire it, let Me bring it. How? Trust Me, just as you spoke to Sarah today, trust Me. I am meeting with you, I love you and I will lead you. You know my stomach is flipping now thinking of the next, but also delighting that Your favor is all I need and Your favor, I have, we have. Praise You Father! I believe You and hear You, shine, they will shine!!!

His Words into my living list to be continued…