Week 26

6.23.13-6.29.13

Taking a break from my story / journal sharing to put words to what I cannot explain but I know, and now am propelled to share…

On December 1, 2012 I attended the memorial service of Ryan’s dear grandfather, our precious “Pappy O.” This time of remembering Pappy O, unbeknownst to us, was God’s chosen time to further our family in faith. Through this memorial experience God began to lay His foundation for our flock starting with His wooing of me by this specific scripture…

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Throughout my years of seeking to know who God is, I now realize, I’ve actually come to know of Him and to know Him, through my asking of questions upon questions. Somehow I understood that some questions I’d ask, wouldn’t be answered and instead I was invited to simply trust in His higher ways.

When I let myself meditate upon this truth, I am brought from pure and unadulterated humble awe into freedom and delight. Being invited to live here has helped keep me in the awareness of living as His daughter and Him (not I!) being The Omniscient One therefore… there is nothing in my life, whether I understand it or not, which has been, is currently or will be anything other than His higher ways which is always for my good.

There were many aspects of our full and stressful days which I was vocal with others about. They were hard pressed days, not easy times, but because I was living in relationship with God I knew He was letting these times be my practice platform of trusting Him and continuing on in all He led us to, and through, actually understanding these were His higher ways for us.

As we continued living and working in the ways we were, other folks offered solutions to us like, “Ryan should just get a job and quit trying to do his own thing.” “Kara, you should get a real job.” “You’ve done this to yourself.” “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” “This is life, welcome to it.” and then there were a few whopping “How dare you statements…” referring to our dare to actually expect Jesus’ abundant and full life for us even though in their eyes we could just make it better or right by doing what they suggested.

Then there were others who were close to us who were not as brazen to say such things but their thoughts danced between trying to understand our strain (physically, financially, maritally etc.) and our faith. Their thought dance was palpable to me. Probably because I had danced their same “pondering dance.”

Thankfully my dance was with Jesus and as “Our song” ended I would freely bow to Him, for as we danced, He made it so I knew, that I knew, that staying the course was “it.” That sticking beside my Ryan was “it,” that loving my children beyond their behavior was “it,” that trusting in and for His provision was “it.”

We knew here in “His it” was the only place our family could truly live.

Here’s the deal, while we could be wrong in how we interpreted God’s leading, I honestly believe He wouldn’t let us get Him wrong or misinterpret Him. Our God is not One who makes following Him a series of complicated steps, we are not asked to decipher a holy code. He doesn’t trick us into wrong ways of thinking and He most assuredly does not trip us into pits which then have us clawing and scraping our way into living life.

Something else I have realized, which I find interesting, is while we would say God led us in His higher ways (which have been unique, which we did not understand, which had their share of challenges) we have never blamed Him for “doing this to us.”

May I suggest here that not blaming Him, is actually humanly impossible. The only way we have lived and not cursed Him is because of the gift of Himself which He has given us. Instead of being jaded and becoming bitter we have been, by the power and protection of His Spirit, able to stand and share because knowing Him richly, knowing Him intimately, is more than enough.

to be continued…