continued from Week 32…
I walked into the house, honestly not really wanting to see or talk with Ryan because while the day was a marking-miraculous day, it was also horribly humiliating.
I could tell I wasn’t free from wanting to unleash unfair thoughts towards Ryan for his not being the one to humbly say thank you to our ‘angel’ who called earlier. Then, to be given money from Sarah I had to fight feeling like a pathetic charity case.
As I walked into the living room I saw Ryan sitting still in our oversized chair with his posture being more like he had been swallowed by the chair. His head was down and his cadence collapsed. Instead of coming to him with joy and praise for the gifts provided, I tossed the check into his lap and told him “By the way, we will be receiving a check in the mail to cover our back mortgage”. I don’t even know if he really heard what I said regarding the mortgage because a tear had started to trickle down his check while looking at Sarah’s check to us.
The only other words we exchanged that night was him saying, “Kara, I just transferred money from our account to pay three bills, but there was no money in our account… I knew I needed to find a way to get money in, and this check is for the exact amount needed.”
Karah dear, My higher ways will require your humility. My ways may seem odd, but daughter, they are perfect.
Having been given so much of what I asked for from God Almighty was utterly undoing. That day was a completely perfect mess. I was numb with a reverent fear, I was overwhelmed by the gifts of provision and I was also angry because it was in our desperate need that He met me and it required my complete humility to be received.
Jesus knew I would struggle my way through this so He made it that the deepest sense within me was undoubtedly Himself drawing me in, closer still, to that which I asked for… His promised abundant life for me, for us, for them, for Him.
for you so that 
Leave a comment