continued from Week 45
Another marking and making moment came for me in July of 2013.
Have you ever had a day that seems like it is being lived out by someone other than you? This day in particular already held a heart-heavy anniversary because eleven years earlier on July 11, 2001 a family who is very special to me (and my Jesus journey) experienced a tragedy. A tragedy only God Himself knows how to console, for He chose the same tragic path for Himself.
While God ultimately knew the tragedy of His Son being killed on the cross would bring life eternal for those who believe, my dear friends lost their son and his fiancé because of a drunk driver and they did not rise from the dead after three days, like Jesus did, but yet, they do live! Michael and Patricia (those who were killed) had a beautiFULL and active faith in Christ Jesus and their days lived coupled with how the Michael’s family endured this tragedy was my first real example of understanding Paul’s words in Scripture, “to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
Back to July 11, 2013, it was the oddest day. From the very beginning I remember it being off, and feeling it being off. It wasn’t a bad sense, it was more that I could tell my awareness was heightened, I just didn’t know why or for what.
My day went on as needed and that evening I was scheduled to work about 40 minutes away. In order to be prepared for my work I had implemented systems which would allow me to quickly check and recheck so I’d be ready without having some famous frantic mom minutes (iykyk!). Ryan arrived home and and off I went trusting I was like prepared like normal.
On my way to work, I realized my car needed gas, like ‘the light is on’ needs gas!
Okay, fine, I’ll stop and get gas.
Uh, nope, I have no wallet. Oh geez! How did I manage that?
Praying I’d make it to my hostess’ house, which hallelujah I did, but now also knowing embarrassment because now I need to ask to borrow cash to be able to get gas so that I can, for sure, make it home.
I humbly explained my scenario and she was beyond gracious to lend me $20 for the way home and our evening went on, right?! Nope, because only then, I realized I also left my computer at home, what!?! Where is my brain? What is happening? She let me borrow her computer and thankfully I was still able to serve her as my honored hostess. As the night wrapped up I gave her my thanks and she sent me on my way with the $20 and directions to the closest gas station just before 11pm.
I arrived at the gas station and normally wouldn’t need to go in because we can ‘pay at the pump’ but this time I had cash, so… in I went. I only needed to pay for gas but I could sense Jesus leading me to pay attention to a young woman who was there in the gas station. As I noticed her I could tell she was clearly high on something but He wanted me to very intentionally look into her eyes and tell her “you are seen” and “you are beautiful.” To be honest I don’t know the words I actually said, but I know as I approached her and looked intently, for Him, at her, it mattered.
What an interesting exchange, I realized the uniqueness of this situation and my heart swelled because His love for us IS. THAT. GREAT! After all “my” snafu’s of the evening it was so this moment could be, and I would be there for her. This experience had a sincere larger than life feeling about it. I pondered a few moments before I drove off expecting to get home as usual but instead, after about 20 minutes my eyes and heart knew to hyper-focus on what I saw unfold before me as I drove down route 30 approaching the North Sherman St. intersection in York.
It was dark and there was barely any traffic. Stores weren’t open and there shouldn’t be any people walking, anywhere at this stretch of the highway. But this night, before me and right then, I watched as someone decided to slowly cross the five lane intersection and either on purpose or because of the influence of drugs, walked directly in front of a semi-truck which was barreling down the highway from the other direction.
When unexpected events like this happen, they don’t feel real and actual but the soul of any passerby knows to still show up. I immediately turned at the light and parked behind the semi-truck which had pulled over. I got out of my van and ran to the body which was laying in the middle of the road. The way this young lady came into contact with the semi was such that her body actually hit the semi three different times. This young woman should not be alive, yet she was.
Her name was (hopefully still is) Randi and God had it that I would be that someone who would come to her that night, and that night, I came with Jesus. I do not know why but I do know I held her hand and prayed with her for what felt like forever. God also had it that the. very. next. car. driving towards us as we were sprawled in the middle of the two southbound lanes on route 30, was a police vehicle.
In our moments Randi was cognitively aware enough to share her mothers phone number with me, who I called using my cell phone and then held the phone for Randi to talk with her. To this day I don’t know if, or what she recalls from that evening. I know her body bears the scars from that time but I am hoping her heart does not.
Something that caught my attention, and as I think about that night again, still has my attention, was that not one, none of the persons on the scene came over to Randi and I. No one spoke to us. It was like Randi and I were invisible. I stayed by her side until the ambulance personnel loaded her in to take her to the nearest trauma center and after that I returned to my van and sat, numb and in shock.
I remember thinking it all didn’t really happen but I had her blood all over my clothes, so there was not pretending it didn’t. I remember just wanting to be home already, but I had an additional 20 minutes yet to travel. I remember talking out loud with Jesus, only to have no answers be whispered back as to why this had happened.
When I finally arrived home I chose to shower hoping it would help calm my over-adrenalined-self and in that time I thrusted it all to Jesus because my heart needed to be held by someone and He was who I had. Sound sleep would have been a gift those first few nights but at the gentle closing of my eyes all I could see and re-see was the accident.
What’s crazy is in 1998 I had been through a similar traumatic experience when I was living in Quito, Ecuador. This time though a precious young man died in my arms while I attempted to utter the love of Jesus in Spanish.
The experience of living through and re-seeing the first accident which nearly stole my life (mentally) was enough but now, here I am with ‘round two’ of such a similar trauma…
It won’t be the same, right Jesus??? Right, Karah.
If I was just a physical body which was exhibiting the same PTSD symptoms I would have had to disagree with Jesus telling me I would be okay. Thankfully though, He reminded me I had been made anew since the first accident and I can and shall trust Him.
I was grateful the next morning when I called the local hospital inquiring of Randi’s status, a dear woman working the phone calls let me know Randi was admitted and was in surgery for over seven hours and now was in intensive care. I thought for sure (as I type those words I now know to instead – always be prepared to be surprised by His better and higher ways which are most often not in alignment with my “sureness”) God had me there by Randi that night so that I could be there for her afterwards. I waited a few days before I called the phone numbers which were stored in my phone from the night of the accident only to have it be the strangest non-connection ever.
Over the next couple days most of my calls to her mom would not go through and the few times they did she could barely hear me and there was terrible static. I ended up calling the hospital to leave a message letting them know who I was, sharing my phone number and my intent to serve Randi. After that, with an audible sigh carrying both sadness and freedom I let go, trusting if I do not hear back I was not meant to further bring the hope of Jesus by way of serving her during her recovery.
It wasn’t long after this recent accident I came across a quote by Martin Luther King Jr. which is “To be truly free, you have to overcome the love of wealth and the fear of death.” Because I am a words person, I up-the-ante of his original statement to this…
In order to fully be free one must conquer the fear of death and die to the lie of wealth.
While God taught me specifically about ‘the lie of wealth’ a bit later it was because of the accident in Ecuador followed by this accident I was able to see how He has indeed led me through conquering the fear of death. I believe that with the Holy Spirit we can face, accept and then conquer all fear which may be associated with our most certain future of dying. Going through this with Jesus has been imperative for me to living fully free now.
What do you think? How do you perceive scenarios like mine may have affected you?
Be encouraged that through the most dreaded scenarios we can come to know Jesus intimately and in this sweet and powerful place we get to believe God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are who They say They are and together They can and will be our everything.
for you so that 
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