continued from Week 47
Would you like to meander now into reading about the journey of our marriage to this point???
Ryan and I met on the first day of my college experience at Eastern Mennonite University in August of 1996. First, I must acknowledge God’s providence in bringing me to attend this Mennonite university. I had never met a Mennonite and I didn’t know what made Mennonites, Mennonite. Why (on earth, haha) would I attend a Mennonite University?
Well first, my parents required me to attend a Christian university. Second, I received a teeny-tiny grant to attend EMU. Third, EMU required their students to study abroad and it was this third reason which was my only ‘why.’ This required study abroad was then how I lived in Ecuador in 1998 (and experienced the aforementioned accident).
Back to meeting Ryan, I think it’s crazy we met on our first day and while Ryan doesn’t have many crystal clear memories he does recall this. We also had a class together which provided regular connection, bringing us to officially start dating Christmas week of 1996. We continued dating throughout our college years with our last year being long-distance because Ryan was one year ahead of me.
In December of 1999 while smiling and shaking, Ryan proposed. Why after having dated four full years would he be shaking? Probably because it was cold and we were outside but more likely because I was my #notstubborn self then.
God in His goodness, shielded us from knowing the struggles our future would share as a couple yoked in marriage. Typing now over 20 years later, I would not change one thing about our years together, for as I’ve said to Ryan in the past, and just recently even, all our struggles and heartache have served to bring me to know Jesus for who He is to me, and for me, as well as Christ’s role over us as a couple and as parents.
Had the years of our dating, then marriage, been full of Ryan perfectly adoring and lavishing love upon me I may have felt satisfied and Jesus would have remained as fringe in the tapestry of my life instead of Him being The One who wove each thread of my days, ultimately and fully enveloping my heart which is depicted at the center.
Jesus’ love has ultimately freed me from having expectations on anyone or anything, and the greatest beneficiary of this gift is Ryan. He has the potential to greatly enjoy our marriage knowing I do not have silent or spoken expectations placed upon him. Jesus’ love is my soul’s true source of satisfaction and any relational love is just a bonus. When Jesus is our all (relationally) He is able to fan us to further His established purpose in (and for) us individually and also for each other and… this. is. beautiful!!!
Back to Ryan’s proposal, I had always hoped for a fall wedding because it’s by far, my most favorite season. However, my brother, whom I have come to love dearly, decided to propose to his girlfriend of just 6 months right not long before Ryan asked for my hand. Clint and Emily set their wedding date for July of 2000 therefore I was told by my parents I could not marry until 2001 as to avoid having two weddings in one year.
Can you tell I was a tad bothered by this? Ryan and I had dated for what felt like forever and in those four years we had experienced a lot. We desperately wanted to step into the “leave and cleave” stage of life.
Who’s to blame here? Is there even fault to be placed?
As a 22 year old, one wouldn’t think this forced delay would be worth any issue, but for me it absolutely was. Looking back to when I was told we weren’t allowed to get married (if there was to be a wedding) was an example of just more of the same.
“More what?” you ask.
More of… forever feeling gypped.
From my youngest of memories through young adulthood I lived believing I was gypped. I was cheated and swindled because I wasn’t given any gifts, talents or abilities. Actually, I was given gifts, we all are, but I was not the ‘best’ at anything, and if you’re not the best, what good are you?
Friend, you’re still a lot of good, that’s what you are! If you are one living to be the best because you can be, go for it! Please also believe you are more than what you are ‘doing the best’ of too. Remember beautiful one, you are a human being not just a human doing and you are worth so much more than your ability to ‘do’.
I am so grateful Jesus arrested the attention of my head and more importantly my heart. Every single conceived human being deserves to know and believe the truth of who they are and why they are, as said by their Creator and Maker, God Himself.
I don’t blame anyone for this lie being my foundation of thoughts and being. I wonder how many of us may have believed or still believe this to be true? Living from the lie of lack keeps us living our days alongside all the other “rats” in the cycle of what some call the rat race. If we are in that race we are forever distracted by the other rats, ultimately letting ourselves be blinded from our unique and incredible individual invitation to live our life fully free. It grieves my heart to know I lived here for so long, without a hint of what was true of me and for me.
As I recall those many years, I believe God let me be there so I would have much to remember and learn from versus regret. As a young you, do you let regret rob you from the gifts today holds? Do you enjoy holding the weight of ‘this or that’ regret? I have seen regret prolong much suffering, a unique suffering which is devastatingly solo. If we were having tea together I’d whole heartedly hear your story and then hope to be a bright beacon of the love available to you from God, through Jesus. I’d tarry alongside until you know… the light which leads you forward is that of the One which you know and believe will never be put out.
Back to wedding drama, I know my dearest sister-in-law Emily has come to know I greatly love and appreciate her but back then, I was not the warmest sister-in-law-to-be and I bet she was a bit concerned about joining the Morton family. We moved forward as directed by my parents and planned a wedding for Spring of 2001. The planning of our wedding was an intense time. Is this really the way it is for everyone?
Just like being told by other parents further along in their journey that while toddler years have their challenges, just. you. wait. until. you. have. a. teenager. That is crap! While teenage years surely hold their challenges I always refused to embrace this thought, which is actually a curse. Our culture says the same about weddings… “planning is pure hell” and “it’s all for what?” since over half will end in divorce. The year and a half leading up to our marriage were not fun nor were they filled with a healthy anticipation or peace.
As a daughter I danced between recognizing the wedding itself was a gift from my parents of which I was grateful for, but then in many ways much of what was planned, wasn’t what I would have chosen. Many of the ideas or preferences I brought forth were too casual or not “Christian” enough. I also had expressed having a different pastor officiate our wedding because while I had appreciated our pastor, who we had for many years at that point, there was something off that I sensed when we participated in our required premarital counseling, but this too was not an option.
Hear me, I don’t fault my parents for wanting what they thought was best, and sacrificing their funds to provide it. What I do hope for, after having walked that time in my life is… may those of us who have children, daughters in particular, intentionally lay down all expectations and seek to then acknowledge and annihilate any subconscious or conscious cultural norms affiliated with weddings!
I am practicing and asking God to let me be one who can indeed do this (not only re:weddings). I pray I am able to keep the big picture before me as I communicate and foster the relationships with my to-be (Lord willing) adult children. I desire to support them in the ways they may be the same as Ryan and I, and more importantly I desire to support them in ways they are uniquely different from us. I hope to live with such presence and grace that they know they are always safe and encouraged to share their ideas, hopes, questions and concerns. If there is an actual event where we get to participate together I hope to let them light the path and if boundaries or budgets are a necessary component may they, as young adults, be willing to work with us. Anyone else with me?
In the end, our wedding day itself was a gift (despite the hurricane, seriously!) because it was the start of a very sacred and set-apart fulfillment determined before time itself. Our marriage was needed for the mission God has for us… for Him.
So… Ryan Matthew Shultz and Kara Joy Morton were wed on May 26, 2001.
Since the honest sharing of our story is His priority… may you hear me now, it was sadness that was what was upon my heart come our first night. I share this as a testament to God and His perfect for-us-ness… if you know sadness, I get you, but more importantly He gets you and He will be the Necessary love as you move through and out of your present sadness.
for you so that 
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