for you so that

continued from Week 34

A community built through commonality is something I’ve longed for.

For most of my life I would explain my existence as a jack of many, a master of none. This feeling of not being a master of anything kept me on the fringe of most communities.

Within my family relationships I was set apart because of being ‘stubborn.’ And lucky me it really did seem as though our three children were uniquely strong-willed, bringing me again, to the end of my understanding.

Within friends, I was not fun or carefree enough.

In my work, I choose to honor my marriage and family relationships, leading me to be seen as one not chasing or bowing to the ‘almighty dollar’.

In church settings I may not have officially been ‘blacklisted’ but that was definitely what it felt like. At different times I would share current life status and bits about my relationship with Ryan was strained and my perplexities around it, only to hear my own voice echo. I seemed to be heard but not be understood and with that response… I felt the need to continue applying even more new ways of ‘being a wife’ and then my efforts would reduce the felt and damning stress.

Slowly, the Spirit brought me into an understanding that I had started to follow Jesus with a foolish level of abandon and in my current ‘communities’ there weren’t others being transformed by and through His perfect love and never-ending grace. There were however, many around me who lived life as they planned and also had Jesus in the mix and that type of relationship seemed to be working just fine for them.

Where, oh where, were those we shared commonalities with?

Today, after many more years of following Jesus as I know how (not perfectly but indeed perfectly pathetic) I have been given a common community.

What’s different you ask? Well…

It seems as though I have been able to slowly (seriously, my confidence curve has been the slowest ever) embrace that I get to let my uniqueness being Kara(h) be a gift within whatever community I am in, versus looking and living for the community to accept or affirm my uniqueness.

Do you relate to my words around fitting in, but not? Where are you at in your ability to live confident in each community you’re involved in, bringing your whole self, knowing there is not, nor should there be, any other “you?”

Community and connection is an age old desire with a never-ending learning opportunity. Keep following Him friend!

[and listening to this may help… None of My Business by Andy Mineo ]

to be continued…!